in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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