well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm at about main and main street
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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