she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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