meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize