Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
