I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
please come you make the beer taste better
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
