whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize