i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
