im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
