YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize