yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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