I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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