How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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