Barsexuality is the new black.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
