Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
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