Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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