do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
