If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
