Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
