I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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