please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize