Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
