yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Life is so much better after having sex.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
