I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
