Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
