My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
