I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
