you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
