Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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