Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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