so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
