Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
