Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize