Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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