OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
