I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
