Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Why is your signature on my underwear?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize