I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
