He is an equal opportunity slut.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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