I just pynch a tree in the face
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
