If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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