your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
