i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
