We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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