Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
