I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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