I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
last night I used snow as a chaser
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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