my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
