I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
