About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
