Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
