I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
