I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
