Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
