So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
