I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
