Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize