I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize