Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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