I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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