Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
