it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
