Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize