eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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