I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
