Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
