i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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