Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize