can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
